I don't know why I continue to write on these pages. You'll never see them, never know the feelings I cry onto the pages with ink instead of tears. But I suppose it's the only way I have to let them out and let them go. A diary of sorts, a journal of the time I spend in a Pack that is not my own.

Tonight I attended a bonfire and watched the youth as they played and feasted. I think you would have loved it here, if you could have followed me into my exile. The Lykos here are much like the ones of home, even though they're strangers to me (less and less as the days go by, but strangers for now). They are fierce, loyal, sneaky and sly. They hate and love, quarrel and patch things up, but above all they live. They've accepted me, accepted the lies I've told them about my past, and they treat me with respect I probably don't deserve. I am humbled by them.

I look at the stars, and for a moment I think I see home. Maybe it's just a slightly brighter dot amongst billions of others, but I like to think you're looking back and seeing where I am. If I hope that someday we'll see each other again, well. You'll just have to forgive me. Again.

I will forever remain yours.

~Z

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I had to gather myself before writing again. I don't know if you're feeling my pain, or if you're somehow able to reach across the abyss to affect such small and mundane things, but I felt your presence today. It came in the form of a young cub. I've avoided them as much as possible for fear their openness, their innocence, would reveal everything I am. But this tiny thing came up to me bearing a clump of pretty flowers that she deposited at my feet. Flowers that resembled the kind you used to bring to me. She smiled at me with her eyes, though her mouth hung wide open, panting in the heat. But then, despite the heat, she lay beside me and snuggled into my side. I don't know what came over me, but for the first time since...everything...I shed tears. Just a few, but it was a much needed healing.

Together, the cub and I watched the sky. I'm sure you'd forgive me for moving a few stars for her. The excitement the Pack showed for the small star shower was worth it.

I remain yours, my love.

~Z